I miss her

I visited Tok's grave today. For the first time since she died, more than two years ago. I could not bring myself to go all this while. I missed her funeral by half an hour, and I just could not understand the decision that my uncle took to not wait for me, even when I was just a half hour away. I stayed with her since I was an infant, and they would not even wait for that long. It hurts me till these days. So I just could not go to the grave. But this morning I went, and I cried. I cried with silent tears rolling down my cheeks. I just cried and cried. But I did not feel that I have released the grief within me, like what people said crying would do. No, none of that happened. The grief is still there, deep down there somewhere. And I don't think it will go away anytime soon.

You suppose

You suppose you are the trouble
But you are the cure
You suppose that you are the lock on the door
But you are the key that opens it
It's too bad that you want to be someone else
You don't see your own face, your own beauty
Yet, no face is more beautiful than yours.

Rumi